missing..

So i have been missing alot of people in my life latly..
I miss my mom and dad soo much. I sit in bed at night and try to imagine them alive again and its almost as if the memory of them is fading. Its like i can picture them but i cant remeber what they sounded like and how there hugs felt. I would give anything to just see them for 5 minutes.
My mom was my best friend. I told her everything..i kept nothing from her. And it kills me that i never got to say goodbye. It kills me that the last night before she went to the hospital i spent it arguing with her. If i only would have known i would never get to speak to her again i would have just hugged her all night long. It was hard to see my mom go threw so many surgeries and to see her so unaware of who anyone was. There i was a little 14 year old girl holding her moms hand trying not to let her go. I knew it was only a matter of time. Its very hard to be the one who has to tell there dad that his wife of over 50 years has died, i had to stay strong for my dad. He was so sick, he couldnt do anything for himself. After my mom died i had to be the adult of the house. Until my dad had to be taken away.
I was a big daddys girl. But apparently my dad had been getting sick for most of my life. The older i got the worse he got. He would get so angry sometimes and we would fight and argue so much, if only i would have known his brain wasnt working very well i wouldnt have agged him on. Seeing my dad slowly die was very hard on me. It wasnt just his body diying it was his personalty He was always mister joker and happy go lucky (unless he was having a spell). I guess im pretty lucky though casue in the nursing home towards the end i was the only person he knew, theres something really touching when you have to feed your own father, and bathe him. The hardest thing was probly the last time he was in the hospital when he didnt know anyone, he was so weak and so frail it was like looking at a stranger. I wish i could go back in time, i would have been by his side everyday. just to hold his hand.

I miss my old yellow house, with my bright yellow walls. I miss laying in front of the T.V telling my mom all the latest gossip. I miss running as fast i could jumping into my dads lap on the couch.

So if your reading this just walk up to your parent and them a hug cause you never know if it could be your last.

Add a comment April 13, 2008