First one ever

Humble

tiffsiff — Sun, 27 Apr 2008 18:05:34 +0000

So i was driving to work yesterday, and of course i was early cause i always leave my house early for everything, im just that cool..lol but anyways i was driving the back roads when i saw a man, he had sweats on and a sweatshirt and a beanie, he looked very sad, and i could tell right away something was physically wrong with him, as i passed him he stuck out his thumb. As soon as i passed i knew i had to turn aroudn. I turned around and pulled up beside the man, and asked if he needed a ride. He said “yea im headed to white river road” and i said “well i dont know were that is but i can take ya a lil of the ways” he said “well its not to far from here” and i my heart was hurting for this man, so i said “ok ill take you the whole way” so he got in and told me how he had had 7 seven strokes and that his left side of his body was just about gone. This reminded me deeply of my dad. He talked about how horrible strokes were and how he used to be able to walk but now he finds himself falling alot. Im glad i had big sunglasses on becasue i was tearing up. He thanked be about 20 times and how he felt like such a bum having to get rides. I told him it was alright that i didnt mind the least. He said that he was deeply thankful for giving him a ride. When i dropped him off i told him to take care of himself, and he said “ill do my best” he waved goodbye and i drove away crying my eyes out.

This lead me to wonder why this man’s family wasnt helping him, and why he wasnt somewere were he could be taken care of. It makes me very sad that there are people that can barly walk living on the streets. Why is it that our government has sooo much money to blow on the war, when there are people who need homes. Why are there empty houses that no one can afford, when there are so many homeless people.

I never asked the mans name or why he needed a ride, i never asked about his family, or his situation but this one man changed my view on life. And that man will forever be named “humble” in my eyes.

Getting Over It

tiffsiff — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 01:24:58 +0000

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I feel pain easily, i feel hurt easily, but then again its not hard to make me happy. Once you have me then youll have me for along time its like if your super nice to me for a month then its like youve hooked me casue you can be mean to all you want and ill still come back for more. I dont know what it is. Maybe im crazy lol. It is easy for people to get what ever they want from me becasue i just want to be loved. When someone says something nice to me. I believe them. When someone says they love me i believe them, Becasue of this i have been hurt many times by people who i thought loved me or at least cared about how i feel. I have been told how wonderful i am then the next day they act like they dont even want to talk to me. I dont know if its something i do or if its just my luck. Im guessing its just my luck…lol. i tend to have pretty bad luck.
Well till next time
Peace
I dont like losing people becasue i have lost some much over the years. so i try to stay positive.

mmmm

tiffsiff — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 02:44:17 +0000

well I sleep with you
but you dream of him
and pretend every touch of my hand is his
you lead me on
in the same trip
I can tell by your eyes
what you truly feel, oh

I tuck you in
after you drink
I take advantage
of this opportunity
but I lay awake
thinking of her
and you just put your hands on me
as you have before

I am yours
and you are mine
just as we go on pretending tonight
we both know
this is make believe
I dont believe you when you said
I swept you off your feet

We’ll both fake it
pretend we’ll make it
make it as we have
with a past lover x2

Close your eyes
and drift fast asleep
as I pleasure you
with my company
my eyes are fake
because I’m staying awake
how can I sleep dreaming of her with you next to me?

We’ll both fake it
pretend we’ll make it
make it as we have
with a past lover x2

The smoke people

tiffsiff — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 00:27:49 +0000

So i just smoked Salvia for the second time ( i dont really count the first time cause nothing happened but i laughed) so anyways i was in my room home alone (which i still am cause well it just happened like 20 min. ago) so anyways i did some green, the only thing i saw was some cool designs in the smoke, then i did red, thats when it got a lil wierd. i was sitting there (my room holds smoke really well cause my fan was off) so anyways sitting there waiting to see something so im still smoking it then i see these like people in the smoke, like death or something. the best way to describe it is the people in the movie Hercules that are dead and floating around in the underworld, or the people in some painting iv seen, but anyways there were these death creatures everywere. they were yelling at me, i was like trying to go them but they were yelling no (even though no words were coming out i heard them in my head) then i saw death cats and a dragon that kept starring at me. so one smoke thing was looking at me and the look it gave me reminded me to smoke the rest (very odd i know, there was no words coming out of there mouthes but i could hear them in my head if that makes any since at all) so i inhaled like to much or something cause i coughed and dropped my pipe but i couldnt get to it anymore. so i just sat there and all the death people were fading away and i saw shadow people (cause i had two candles going) and i saw a couple dancing then the girl starting crying on the mans shoulders, cause i think she was just pretending to love him and couldnt fake it anymore and she didnt know how to tell him so she just started crying and he just padded her on the back, and i saw a very sad boys face, and i saw a grandma watering a flower that was as big as she was,and i saw a heart floating around on my walls. then i freaked out cause in my head i was like “wow i have lived with all these people in more room for like ever” so i kinda freaked and jumped up and opened my window and was getting the smoke out of my room.
then i realized that i was just imagaining all the people and that they werent real and that they hadnt really been living with me.

then i sat for a while and became normal again. lol that was my first really experience with salvia.

missing..

tiffsiff — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 23:13:50 +0000

So i have been missing alot of people in my life latly..
I miss my mom and dad soo much. I sit in bed at night and try to imagine them alive again and its almost as if the memory of them is fading. Its like i can picture them but i cant remeber what they sounded like and how there hugs felt. I would give anything to just see them for 5 minutes.
My mom was my best friend. I told her everything..i kept nothing from her. And it kills me that i never got to say goodbye. It kills me that the last night before she went to the hospital i spent it arguing with her. If i only would have known i would never get to speak to her again i would have just hugged her all night long. It was hard to see my mom go threw so many surgeries and to see her so unaware of who anyone was. There i was a little 14 year old girl holding her moms hand trying not to let her go. I knew it was only a matter of time. Its very hard to be the one who has to tell there dad that his wife of over 50 years has died, i had to stay strong for my dad. He was so sick, he couldnt do anything for himself. After my mom died i had to be the adult of the house. Until my dad had to be taken away.
I was a big daddys girl. But apparently my dad had been getting sick for most of my life. The older i got the worse he got. He would get so angry sometimes and we would fight and argue so much, if only i would have known his brain wasnt working very well i wouldnt have agged him on. Seeing my dad slowly die was very hard on me. It wasnt just his body diying it was his personalty He was always mister joker and happy go lucky (unless he was having a spell). I guess im pretty lucky though casue in the nursing home towards the end i was the only person he knew, theres something really touching when you have to feed your own father, and bathe him. The hardest thing was probly the last time he was in the hospital when he didnt know anyone, he was so weak and so frail it was like looking at a stranger. I wish i could go back in time, i would have been by his side everyday. just to hold his hand.

I miss my old yellow house, with my bright yellow walls. I miss laying in front of the T.V telling my mom all the latest gossip. I miss running as fast i could jumping into my dads lap on the couch.

So if your reading this just walk up to your parent and them a hug cause you never know if it could be your last.

Best Friends Forever..right?

tiffsiff — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 19:58:24 +0000

I have a best friend named Morgan. Shes pretty much like my sister. shes my maid of honor and everything. We have been best friends since like kindergarden..so like forever pretty much. anyways now that were in college idk im sad casue i dont hang out with her as much as we did. i dont feel as close to her I mean i saw her everyday in high school. and we were on cheerleading since forever and i just hope that our friendship isnt fading away cause really shes the only friend i have that truley gets me. She has seen me in my lowest points and my highest. I had another friend tell me that i have to just learn to say goodbye sometimes. but i dont want to say goodbye. i have had friends come and go and im tired of it. i just want things to stay the same forever.

A lil of this a lil of that

tiffsiff — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 19:40:36 +0000

Well this is my first blog ever so we shall see were this takes me i suppose..lol.

i am very excited about this actually you see i keep things inside to much so it will be good to have something to express my feelings out on..lol…but as of right now my life is ok. i mean school is stressing me out. im having some inner conflicts about certain things but hey everything else is pretty good.

well till next time i suppose

PeAcE**